28 Weeks Till My Birthday

There are about 28 weeks left until my birthday ... if I can manage to lose about 2 pounds a week until that date, then I will be at my first goal.  We'll call the week of the 21st "Week 1" ... All systems are GO.

Buddha Belly Sigh

I've done nothing this week to help my situation...just been cranky and mopey.  I really stink when it comes to getting motivated to go to the gym or exercise in general.  It really helped when Jamie was going with me.  Now, if I go, I'm all on my own.  I must say that it is much easier to sit on the couch and eat crap than to actually try to eat healthy and exercise ... I mean, come on, that would take EFFORT.  All my self loathing really doesn't help, but I am what I am and that's all that I am.  Can Jillian Michaels come yell at me everyday, please?  I keep having that "I'll start tomorrow" mentality which leads to never starting at all.  One day last week I managed to carry my happy butt to the gym, but that was only because I was so angry with my job that I wanted to run the frustration out.

Now I've become so defeated feeling that I don't even want to try.  Like I've told Jamie before (whether this sounds weak or not) I just CANNOT do this on my own ... I lack motivation and will power.  I've considered trying a program of sorts (i.e. Weight Watchers), but I know I'd probably just flake on it like I do everything else.   I know HOW to do things right ... It's just that I don't ever feel like putting forth the effort ... I mostly just feel down and depressed.  I considered getting a nice vegetarian cookbook with simple recipes and cooking every night.  Jamie said he'd be on board with it...but I dunno if he means it.  The boy likes meat.  We both get mopey and lazy and just end up going out to eat sometimes.

I've been struggling with this weight for a looooooong time, and I'm just SO ready to be rid of it...It's all I think about CONSTANTLY.  I come up with good plans in my head to lose the weight, but I never fully finish what I start.  My latest idea was to jog 3-4 times a week for 30 minutes and also do some sort of resistance training 2 days a week.  I also decided to switch to a more vegetarian type diet since I'm not a huge meat eater.  Sounds good in theory ... but I dunno if I will ever follow through.

You'd think with all the extra time I've had since April that I would have made some headway, but NO ... I'm exactly where I was before.  I just can't seem to sleep at night which leads to sleeping late everyday, and it becomes a vicious cycle.  I was trying to set my alarms for 9 ish and do the gym and pool before work ... never made it ... I'm just SO frustrated ... GRRRRRRRRRRRR ... Somebody please come shake me!

I need to make a plan of attack again.  My whole weight loss poster was a bust.  Our end date is July 4th for that, and we were supposed to have lost at least 30 pounds.  NOPE!  I wonder if I should start my food journal back up...What should be my weight loss goal? OR Should I go by pants sizes again?  I'd like to say that I want to lose 50 pounds by my birthday ... Is that irrational?  50 pounds over the next 6 months... that's 8.3 pounds a month ... which is about 2 pounds a week ... that actually sounds TOTALLY doable.  This means I'll actually have to figure out an exercise program ... and the food thing ... I shall go to the bookstore tomorrow and find my vegetarian bible.

Okay, I'm starting to feel more positive .... when I was trying, I was losing 2-4 pounds a week ... Let's go ahead and commit to revamping the diet and getting regular exercise ... even if I go alone.  HANDS IN ... 1 2 3 GO TEAM! .... or just GO ME!

EVERYBODY LIMBO!!!

I am so sick and tired of my life being in limbo.  It's like I'm always waiting for something to come through, so I can get serious about this whole weightloss shinanigans.  The economy can kiss my donkey!!  I just want us to get settled for Pete's sake!!!!!!!!!!  I feel like I can't ever get comfortable because we are always waiting for this job that MIGHT come through.  Pleeeeeeeeeease just let this one come through ... I'm begging ... I just want to get settled back into a normal routine where the only thing I have to worry about and focus on is dropping this 50 freakin pounds I've been battling with for the past couple years.  I DO NOT want to leave 2010 weighing the same or more than I started it with.  There's no reason for it to not be down.  Right now my head is just swimming with so many "what if's" that I cannot focus on weightloss ... I mean ... I can barely sleep at night lately.  I'm just so frustrated and so tired of waiting to start living my life.  My patience is wearing thin my friend...I just wish my body would do the same *rimshot*

Activities

Went for a 2 mile walk/jog on Tuesday and went for an hour swim today.  Trying to stay active.

I'll get you next time fat, NEEEEEEEXT TIIIIIME!!!!

Since April my life has been an absolute whirlwind.  I just don't know if I'll ever rid myself of this extra 50 pounds I'm carrying around.  It's easy to plan things out in your head of how you are going to do better, but executing those plans is quite another story.  Since April I've been cut to part time at my job and had 2 parents in the hospital (one was Jamie's dad...the other was my dad).  To say the least I've been stressed out and maybe a bit depressed, so weightloss was put on the back burner AGAIN.  I've pretty much stayed at the same weight the whole time ... going up and down by a few pounds constantly ... I've been walk/jogging here and there, but not on any regular basis like I should.  I really don't know what to do at this point.  I guess all I can do is try my best.  It's just one extra stress that I don't really want to deal with right now ... Le Sigh ... Can somebody lose weight FOR me? Please?